Even the most superficial of today’s “get your ex back” programs tell you that the first thing you need to do is back off, curb your sense of urgency, and take some time to calm down and reflect.
There are good reasons for this advice. To begin with, you run the risk of driving your ex away if you push too hard and fast. Next, your heightened emotional state is likely to cause you to make every mistake in the book. You need to put your emotions in check so you don’t cause your ex to permanently check out on you.
But there’s even more to consider. You need to go even deeper. You need to take yet another step back and ask yourself the following questions: what is it that you and your ex were looking for in the relationship? What attracted you to him/her? What did you want from each other? To answer these questions, you need to know the fundamental, universal human need that causes people to get into relationships to begin with. I’ll give you a hint: it’s not sex!
To keep the positive juices flowing, couples need to give each other what I call: Relationship Essential Nutrients. Some of these nutrients are (generally speaking) the same for men and women, and some are quite different. These nutrients are what you need to give to your ex in order to motivate him/her to come back to you and stay for a lifetime.
This is where a thorough reconciliation program will go further and deeper than all the quick fix methods out there. Without a clear understanding of what holds human relationships together, how can you put one back together that’s been broken? It’s like trying to build a house without understanding gravity.
Furthermore, when you understand what these Relationship Essential Nutrients are, you can then go on to figure out what went wrong, why your relationship collapsed to begin with. This step too is quite blatantly ignored by many “get your ex back” methods today. But again, how can you fix something if you don’t know why it broke?
I understand why so many self-proclaimed “experts” sidestep this issue (how you get to be an expert without any clinical experience is a mystery to me). They don’t know how to handle it. Now, nobody knows better than me what a minefield this field is. I can’t tell you how many nasty sessions I have sat through with couples yelling, insulting, and hurling accusations at each other.
Sure, people can get caught up in that, but with the right guidance, while it might be difficult at first and seem like “dangerous” territory to get into, you will soon get past your personal agenda and focus on what’s good for the relationship. I can tell you for certain that if you don’t face this issue now, you will end up facing it sooner or later. A minefield swept under the rug is bound to get stepped on again.
The purpose of looking into what went wrong is not to go around in circles of guilt and blame and who’s wrong and who’s right. When you can honestly see what went wrong, you will in turn focus on the positive and affirm what was right. And you will learn how to better communicate your needs so you can support and nurture one another. Only then will you be able to provide each other with that one universal human need and those Relationship Essential Nutrients.
For the most comprehensive program to help you get your ex back, check out Dr. Love’s Relationship Kit NOW, which shows you how to win your ex back and create everlasting love in simple 5 steps. Or for more free advice articles and videos on this topic, go to http://drlovesrelationshiprescue.com NOW. Dr. Jamie Turndorf is a renowned relationship expert, author, and advice columnist also known as Dr. Love. She created the Web’s first free relationship advice site, AskDrLove, over 15 years ago, which now boasts the Web’s largest relationship advice article database.
